CLOUD OR CROWD

"Will you believe them over Me?" He asked.

As I looked up with a sweaty, tearful face, I knew that all He said was truth. I couldn't meet His gaze because I sensed disappointment in His eyes.

To think that I'd protected, nurtured, packaged, and sold this lie to everyone who cared to listen... How many of them would have shared it with others? How many would have held it dearly as "Mama's" words and run with it? How do I tell them that what I've preached for the last four years was a lie? How did I even get entangled in this lie? Sister Tolu!

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Tolu was the sister who led me to Christ. She was everything anyone would want as a role model. Her love for God was extraordinary. Her revelations were profound, and her encounters, rare. She spoke with so much passion and burden in her heart that I couldn't help but fall in love with this Jesus.

After my conversion, I started following her closely, asking questions to facilitate my growth. Oh God! If only You could make me like Sister Tolu, I'm sure I'd have fulfilled my purpose on earth. This is who I want to become.

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Days turned into weeks, and months passed, and the bond between Sister Tolu and me grew stronger. She seemed to love me too. That moment when you're secretly admired by someone you secretly admire. I'm sure this was heaven's answer to my prayers. Didn't the Bible say that he who walks with the wise, anointed, and burdened will himself be anointed? Thank you, Lord, for this avenue for metamorphosis.

However, it didn't take long before questions began to emerge from my heart. "Is the Bible not against this? Why is Sister Tolu engaging in this?" Many times, I'd wanted to confront her with those questions, but I dismissed them. "Sandra, you're not even close to her spiritual heights. How can you question her?"

I believed that with time, I'd understand why those things weren't sinful. Maybe, like the man in Romans 14, I have a weak conscience, and that's why I think these things are sinful. Moreover, how can she be sinful and yet carry so much passion and anointing? The end of all arguments is RESULTS. I concluded that "until you can do twice what a man has done once, you have no right to criticize."

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"Jesus is Lord," I shouted as I opened the room and saw Sister Tolu under the sheets with the television displaying strange gymnastics rated +30 (by my definition). I made to run away or unsee what I'd seen or convince her that I didn't see anything. But it was too late. She was already dressing up.

I stood transfixed, but to my bewilderment, she wasn't feeling remorseful. After some time, she came to the balcony, where I sat, trying to process what I saw.

Before I could say anything to her, she stated, "Did you think that if Jesus were in our time, He'd be the same person you read in the Bible? Times and dispensations change. It's unfortunate that the Bible didn't foresee our times to capture that these things aren't wrong in this age."

"But, ma, pornography is a sin," I protested.

"Who said so? In the days of the Bible, there was no television or internet. So, on what basis can anyone claim righteousness over pornography?" She paused and continued, "The Bible didn't capture our experience in this age. I asked the Lord about it, and He said we're in a peculiar generation, and that's why He left us with just the Holy Spirit and our conscience. The Bible says that if our conscience condemns us, then we should acknowledge that God is greater than our conscience."

This was it! This was the revelation I hadn't seen that made me judge her earlier. This makes a lot of sense.

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I thought I'd find peace having discovered this new revelation, but it wasn't forthcoming. So, I decided to confide in a pastor I revered.

What did you think he said? 

To be continued...