UNDERNEATH THE MASK 2

It's been three months since I walked out on God. No! I walked out from hurting Him. I hadn't read my Bible these three months. I only did pray when we converge for meetings in the chapel or in the Scripture Union fellowship.

Surprisingly, it seemed like no one noticed the dryness. I still counselled people. I still prayed for them but I knew I only ministered from the outer court because what was left of my altar was ashes.

Many times I felt so terrible but I knew this was my fate. It is better to be backslidden than to be a hypocrite. Jesus told the Laodicean church that He was going to spew them out of His mouth because they were like Sandra- Neither backslidden nor standing pure

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"Leave the hostel! At the count of five, if I get you still in the hostel you'll have yourself to blame" I shouted to the SS1 students

I didn't tell you earlier. I was the house captain of the SS1 students. It was time for breakfast and I needed to lock the hostel fast before joining them in the dining hall 

I was about leaving when I caught a quick glimpse of one of my jotters. I picked it hesitantly and flipped through the pages and something seemed to pin me to it - it was a message I had prepared to give about a month before I walked out on God.

Sighting the Revised Standard Version Bible lying on my neighbour's bed, I slowly reached out for it. It was the beginning of many beginnings...

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My lacrimal glands were already displaying their competence and functionality as rivers of tears gave way from them... I knew I had strayed but I also knew that I didn't want to return to Him still hurting Him. He should understand that I'm doing this for Him. The devil was right. He can't keep forgiving me each time especially when I'm not stopping.

"But why should the devil decide how you react or respond to me? That old serpent will always want to misrepresent Me to you and still accuse you before Me. I foresaw your tendencies and proclivities before inducting you into my family by the blood of my own Son. So,when you sin it's a family matter.

Why do you give so much power to an outsider while your Father hasn't decided yet?" He asked

"But I have hurt you badly. Do You mean You don't mind?" I asked shakily

"Sandra, I don't CONDONE your sins. But I also don't CONDEMN you. You do not have a High priest who is not touched by the feeling of your infirmities..." He replied softly

At this time, the air from His Presence permeated and soothed my soul. But then, I knew it would only last so much before I would hurt Him again and He'll leave me

"Sandra", He cut my thought abruptly

Before I could look up, He continued:

"I'll never leave you except you decide to walk away from Me. And even then, I'll wait until you come. But don't stay away for too long..."

I melted... If He was ready to stay until I'm fixed why will I be the one to turn my back on Him?

What more good can be found in me if I turn away from the goodness of God?

The law says to run away from God because I've sinned but Grace says to come boldly before the Throne of Grace to obtain MERCY and find GRACE for THIS time of need...

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It's been six months since that encounter with Him and I'm amazed at how much Grace I've found. You'd be right to ask me how I dealt with my secret sin😊

Anyway, it took me about 12days to realize that I had not engaged it since I met Him. I didn't even remember I was supposed to "not go" two days without this sin.

His voice and His presence paralyzed my members to sin and brought me into servitude to righteousness. Each time I remember the Love in His eyes that fateful day, I can't help but reaffirm my loyalty to Him.

I am free today

Free to lift my hands

Free to call him Abba

Free to serve in His courts

This I learnt:

You don't run away from God because you're dirty. You actually run to Him. 

Although He doesn't CONDONE you yet He doesn't CONDEMN you so go boldly to the Throne of grace and obtain MERCY and find GRACE each time.

When He says He's ABBA, He meant that HE'S THE SOURCE AND SUSTAINER of even your Christian life.

Now, unto Him who is ABLE to keep me from falling and to present me BLAMELESS at His appearing... I'll trust Him to the very end 

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THE END