THE VOICE OF REASON 2

These two years have been nothing short of bliss. Planning and preparing to spend forever with my better half has been the best experience ever. However, it hasn't been without contentions. My pastor wouldn't approve of our relationship, yet he wouldn't give me any palpable reason. When we couldn't bear it, Pst. Chidi suggested we leave the church. I felt so sad, but I couldn't start disobeying my "head" already.

Genny was posing another threat to my relationship. She would always call and ask if I'm sure Pst. Chidi was God's will for my life. This question tormented me cruelly. It seemed to activate the restlessness deep down in my heart.

"Why is God doing this to me? If there's any tangible reason why we shouldn't be joined as man and wife, shouldn't He show me upfront? What is there to hate in a man like this? It wouldn't even be fair on him. I can't break his heart just for no reason."

"Sandy, that guy might be good to you, but it doesn't mean he's good for you. He might be a good man, but is he the God-ordained man?" Genny said as she sipped her 5-Alive juice.

"So what are you trying to say in essence? That I don't hear God anymore? That God that has been leading you should tell me why He allowed me to go for two years before talking? Is it even fair for His son, whom He claims to love? Chidi has served Him faithfully. These two years, he hasn't as much as pecked me. Chastity has been our watchword. What exactly are we not doing right?" I blurted out.

Before she could say more, I walked out on her, heading home. I thought I came to meet a friend who would hold my hands until we pulled through, but it's obvious that the devil didn't leave any stone unturned in this contention.

________________________________________________

The restlessness grew, and with time, I couldn't connect to God again. The wall of resistance seemed impermeable. At this time, it was one month to my traditional marriage. My whole world literally revolved around my fiancé. It was too late to go back. I couldn't even stop loving him. Whatever is wrong, we'll go through it together in marriage.
_________________________________________________

"Sandra, do you love me more than these?" That scripture seemed to jump out of John 21 as I flipped through the pages of the book of John.

"Of course, I love you, Lord. I really do," I responded.

Just then, I could hear Him in my heart: "If I gave up my life for you, is a relationship too much to demand from you?" He asked.

"But it's a godly relationship, one that would advance the Kingdom. I don't understand why you're asking me for it. Moreover, I've gone far. I can't turn back," I retorted.

" Your motives have been long corrupted. How can you say you're disobeying the King to advance His kingdom? Is there an iota of truth in that?"... He spoke for a little while, but I'd snapped out. I was in tears. I knew I had long left "kingdom come" agenda and was living for myself, my home. I wanted to be the lucky damsel who won the heart of the most revered and celebrated Pst. Chidi. I wanted to secure a good heritage for my children. I wanted to end this singlehood as fast as I could...

_________________________________________________

As I sat in church that morning, crying as the hymn was sung, I knew I had to surrender. There was no justified reason to do so, but it is reason enough that Jesus wants it to end. I wasn't sure how I could cope with the heartbreak, the shame, the name-calling from all and sundry, but I wanted to obey Jesus.

I may not know the reason why God didn't want us together (although I'd give up anything to know), but this I'm sure of – He knows the thoughts that He thinks towards me, thoughts of good and not of evil, to give me hope and an expected end. God is not mismanaging my life. If I'll have to wait for the next 10 years to meet the one He has kept for me, then so be it.

He might not give me a reason. I choose to shut down the voice of reason and reason the voice of God. Let His voice override the storms of passion and the murmurs of self-will. Let Him speak and cause me to listen... The Guardian of my soul.

________________________________________________
THE END

Comments

Favour Agaezichi said…
I choose to shut down the voice of reason and reason the voice of God. Speak Lord and cause me to listen O' Guardian of my soul.🥺🙌🙇🏼‍♀️
December 6, 2024 at 7:11 AM
Nsoha Uloma Newells said…
Jesus I have promised to serve you till the end. Help me Lord 🙏
December 6, 2024 at 12:49 PM
Chukwuekezie Precious Udodirim said…
Ever good.....God bless you!
December 6, 2024 at 1:30 PM
Ogbonna gracious said…
This last part hit me differently
December 9, 2024 at 1:43 AM
Gracious Chilaka said…
Do you love me more than these🥺🥺
December 10, 2024 at 5:33 AM
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