EVERY MAN

"To think that you'll be up, bouncing and basking in the Holy Ghost every day is a mirage. To think that you'll be going all out, having those eye-wetting, cold-sweating, and surge of emotions for the Lord after 10 years is also a mirage. You see, as you grow in these things, you'll get familiar with some of these things. It happens to everyone," Sola concluded.

"Hmm... It makes a little more sense right now. As I looked at that my journal from when I first met the Lord, I began to feel guilty. I saw how very zealous I was back then. I was beginning to ask the Lord to restore my fire. However, hearing this explanation, I think it answers my questions. I think I was just being nostalgic about those days," I said.

"Don't feel bad dearie. You see, I've paid my dues in this christian race. The fastings, prayers, evangelism, and givings have stored up great bounties for me. The days of evangelism and protracted prayers are gone. It happens to everyone. You can't carry that same fire as when you first gave your heart to the Lord," she added.

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Sola wasn't just a big sister and a friend to me, she's also my mentor - one I revere so much. She was part and parcel of the formative stage of my christian walk, and she has been nothing short of an inspiration.

I've always admired how she portrays this Christianity. She operates from a place of ease. I would fast and pray for hours and exert myself, yet she commands results effortlessly. I had started patterning my life after hers for over a year now, but the shallowness in my soul was widening. 

I now pray without burdens. No encounters! No quickening! I miss me! I miss the long hours of communion! I miss the personal retreats that birthed certain convictions! 

I'm just 10 years in the faith, and I'm already feeling exhausted. The wine is finished, and I'm not enjoying any bit of this relationship again. 

Something inside of me didn't feel right, so I decided to confide in my friend and mentor, Sola.

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It's been 2 years since I accepted my mentor's philosophy about my situation. It's logical  because even naturally, as people get older, they lose strength and vitality. Maybe this also applies spiritually. I was at least glad I gave God my best when I could. Now, we both should just manage this old and stale wine because that's all that is left of me. After all, it happens to every man.

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I was reading this particular verse for about the 20th time in the last 30 minutes. "Why can't I get past this popular passage? Lord, please help me to see what you're showing me in this scripture," I prayed silently.

" ... and the governor of the feast said to him, "Every man, at the beginning, gives his best wine ... " That was John 2:10.

As I read it again now, slowly and prayerfully, I heard Him say, "You've fallen into the snare of EVERY MAN. You have believed a lie. How can you have Jesus and yet compare yourself with EVERY MAN? To the one who has Me, his path shines brighter and brighter. He doesn't have a better yesterday."

Hmmmmmmm...

"How can my communion (feast) be suffering when Jesus is there? The wine can finish for EVERY MAN, but not the man who has Jesus in his feast! EVERY MAN believes to give his best wine at the beginning and pulls out the third-class wine afterwards but not when Jesus is there. With Jesus, even my water will turn into the finest wine.

My zeal shouldn't wane! I started out in the spirit. I should not end in the flesh!" I said

But then, I remembered how weak I had become. There was just no strength or motivation to fuel my drive. O wretched Sandra!

Just then, He whispered sweetly, "Have you seen that scripture? "Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is He weary? there is no searching of his understanding. He giveth power to the faint; and to them that hath no might He increaseth strength...""

I didn't need the continuation. It was Isaiah 40:28-31

An energy began to well up in my being. I began to blast in tongues. Kai! I'm not exerting my own energy. If Jesus is in the feast, I need not worry about wine in my finance, academics, relationships, and even communion with Him, because what will pour out of me at the latter days will be sweeter than the first.

I exchange my weakness for His strength! I mount up with wings! I soar on the wings of grace! 

It is He that works in me both to will and to do! I yield my vessel to the One who is able to renew my youth! 

By faith, I, Sandra receive strength to conceive again and to birth His purposes in my life!

No better yesterday!

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To think that I would have lived the rest of my life just mourning over the "good old days" without reaching out for God's best. Thank you, Jesus, for mercy. 

Jesus, is my cup. He won't run dry!

The End.